You should have killed Me back Then
by Surimicrabsticks
Summary: Two years have passed after Sakura decided to stop being a ninja. She began specializing in her medical skill to become a doctor instead. So it came by a great surprise when she suddenly found her former friend turned madman in her hospital, persuading her to be his teammate. 'You should have killed me back then, Sakura.' Takes a different course after chapter 384 in the canonverse


_A/N:  
English is not my main language and I haven't got a bèta that could scan my work for errors or improvements.  
_ _I sure hope it doesn't get in the way of your enjoyment of my work._ _  
_

Anyway, storytime!

 _Title:_  
 **You Should Have Killed Me Back Then  
** _By:_  
 **Surimicrabsticks**  
 _Summary:  
_ **Two years have passed after Sakura decided to stop being a ninja. She began specializing in her medical skill to become a doctor instead. So it came by a great surprise when she suddenly found her former friend turned madman in her hospital, persuading her to be his teammate. 'You should have killed me back then, Sakura.' SASUSAKU. Takes a different course after chapter 384 in the canonverse.  
**  
 _Chapter 1:_  
 **Coward**

'Come now, mr. Tenjou. If you would just close your eyes it'll be over before you know it.' With great care, Sakura pushed the needle into the old man's arm. She smiled endearingly at the way he kept his eyes shut in exaggeration, even when it was long over. He opened his eyes, blinking confusedly when he heard her leave her chair beside his bed.  
The Konoha sun was intense today, and gave the otherwise sterile whiteness of the hospital walls a creamy overtone. Sakura felt that the overall effect was serene and it brought her into an easygoing mood. She took mr. Tenjou's file off a nearby counter.  
'I'm afraid we'll have to keep you a couple of days longer. You seem to be doing a little better, but the source of the pain you keep having in your muscles is still not discovered. I'll keep prescribing painkillers so your stay will be a little more comfortable, but you'll notice at the low levels of your chakra that it's still taking a toll on your energy.' Sakura's voice carried the usual softness she used with her patients. Nonetheless it pained her to see mr. Tenjou's face fall in disappointment. This was the third time he was told to stay.

These days, political troubles between the Kages rose to dangerous heights. The current rate of shinobi patients made it so that the waiting lines for scrutinized medical examinations were stretched to an almost unbearable length. Sakura's been working more hours than she was allowed on paper. But she, nor anyone else bothered to look into that.  
When mr. Tenjou was left to rest, she decided it would be a good idea to have a quiet lunch on the top of the roof of the hospital. She sat with her back against the shadowed side of the stairblock. The view over Konoha was a remarkable sight with the great Kage-faces hewn into the cliffs. Sakura sank into contemplation.

It was two years back since she last saw team seven together. A great heat of shame and anger rose up her chest whenever she recalled that encounter. She almost killed her former teammate, and _he_ almost managed to kill her. She laughed scornfully. _That things could get out of hand at such rate…_ Since then, she decided that if she could not prevent her emotions from holding her back in shinobi-missions, she'd better spend her time specializing her medical techniques and steer her career to being more of a doctor than a ninja.

Her decision took people by surprise. Tsunade's hewn face radiated judgement and Sakura couldn't stand to look at it for long. She practically threw a great portion of her apprenticeship with the current Hokage out of the window so she could focus on healing alone, rather than along with physical training. From time to time though, she would try to squeeze in some time to train for herself.

Truthfully, she loved this new course of her life. She loved her hospital and she loved her patients. It gave her great relief that she had other things to think about instead of desperately wanting a missing-nin to come back into her life. Wanting him to stop being the vengeful madman that he is now. She looked up again to Tsunade's stoic face. ' _Coward.'_ , was what she last said to Sakura.

'Yo.'  
A lifesized cloud poofed before her. Sakura's whole body stiffened in surprise.  
'Na-Naruto!' She staggered. Naruto burst out laughing at Sakura's perplexed face.  
'You look like you've seen a ghost. Your passive perception skill has gone low hasn't it, Sakura?', Naruto teased. His grin was broad and mood-lifting. Once in a month or so, he checks in on his former teammate and friend to see how she's doing.  
'Pff, idiot.', Sakura smiled back. She appreciated the sudden visit. The blond guy has so much compassion in his heart. He sure was going to become a great hokage some day.

'So…how is life?', Naruto asked awkwardly. Broad grin still in check.  
'Same as always. Since I'm one of the few doctors who is confident in surgical skills, a lot of emergency cases need to have my involvement. Shinobi are out and about and I'm glad I don't have reason to get bored. But it's a strain on my overall concentration, really... I'm constantly worried I slip up somewhere.' Sakura laughed, and tugged a pink strand of hair behind her ear. Naruto's expression became stern. His lips thinned and his eyes were penetrating.  
'Try not to overwork yourself, Sakura. You're not working seven days a week again, are you?'  
'I'm just doing what is needed. As long as you shinobi overwork yourselves, we doctors do the same, apparently.' She knew Naruto couldn't deny that and quickly added:  
'And how's your life? I haven't seen you since long. Seems Tsunade's been hooking you up with A-ranks only, not?' She landed a hand hard on his shoulder. He averted his face in lighthearted irriation, since they both loved making unmeant fun of their mentors. Even though her former won't look her in the eye anymore.

'The old gnar loves putting me to work, alright! She's all serious with her head on the back of her hands when she assigns me. Well, I know for sure that in the moment she does that, she does a little tap dance in the back of her head! I swear!'  
'Hah! I'm all too familiar with that crazy glint in her eye. You don't even want to imagine what training with her is like!', Sakura exclaimed, with her torturous memories most alive.  
'No I don't! And luckily, I'll never have to!'  
Their laughter subsided, and was followed by a comfortable silence. Sakura lazily let her eyes rake over the various intricacies going on in the village. Even though war hung in the air, there was some vivacity. She saw children playing around, merchants making their trades and people in general moving on and about. All was overseen by the great Kage faces. A mass of dark clouds came to hang over them.

'Say, Naruto…Any news about him?', Naruto didn't turn to look at her. As he looked over the village with no particular point of focus, a strained muscle appeared above his brow. Knowing who she meant, he answered:  
'He's laying low…Which I don't think is a good sign. It's easily interpreted as him being kept at distance by our village's hunters. But we both know the bastard is ambitious.'  
'He's plotting.'  
'Yes. All the more reason for me to find him and smack some sense into him as soon as possible. The old hag has the good will to assign me to any mission that might be related to Sasuke or his whereabouts, but those are declining. She even thinks someone might have taken him down.' There was a bitter disagreement in his tone.

Sakura felt a pang of concern and decided it's time to ask the one thing she's been meaning to ask him for months.  
'Do you think…it was bad of me that I decided not to help you find Sasuke anymore? That I chose another way of life?'  
Whenever she saw her whiskered best friend, guilt welled up in her chest. It was a stupid question and she knew what he would answer.  
'What are you saying Sakura?! You are considered a prodigy around town when it comes to you as a doctor! Our village is practically in your debt with as much as you've done for it!' Naruto almost sounded angry in his complimenting her choice and skill.  
'Naruto, I am Sasuke's friend too. I still feel for him and maybe…I shouldn't have left you and Kakashi alone with the burden to get him back.' Sakura's voice cracked. She cursed herself inwardly for getting so emotional with him. In reality, she never truly had felt she had made the right choice. The feeling of loss over their good friend was always there. Like a shadow it followed her around. Sometimes she could ignore it and sometimes it was just right before her. Naruto must have carried the same feeling. Just as a lump began to form in her throat, she felt Naruto's arms coming around her.  
'Sakura, I'm not just following that idiot around for myself. You made a sensible decision. After what he tried to do to you, you were so...' He didn't finish his sentence. He let go, his hands resting at her shoulders. Pride shone in his eyes.  
'And now look at you! You found yourself again working for a good cause! Though, I wouldn't stop you if you picked up shinobi-work again. You could still train with me anytime you know!'  
'I just couldn't do it…I should have wounded him, **but I couldn't**.', Sakura said, feeling miserable.  
'SAKURA.', Sakura snapped up her head. Naruto's fingers unintentionally digged into her arms, but he got her attention.

'Not. Your. Problem. Okay? Eventually, you'll see me on Konoha's doorstep with the bastard in tow, probably beaten to a pulp, but still alive! So _please…_ ,' His voice was desperate. ' …don't feel any concern or guilt for me, alright? I won't forgive you.' Sakura smiled passively.  
'Naruto…thankyou.'

From some of the worst shinobi after-battle cases, Sakura could first-hand tell why some techniques were forbidden. Her patient lay under narcosis, unknowing of her sawing his leg of. The sheets, her scrubs and rubber gloves were a display of spattered red against a blue canvas. Sakura couldn't shake the feeling she was somehow butchering this man, letting the electric mini chainsaw go through bone like some sort of pulpwood. The guy was lucky he only experienced an uncompleted performance of The Technique of Necrosis. The leg she was amputating was showing flesh and bone in random parts, like one third of it had just…molten off. The toes were of a lifeless stony color and seemed like they could fall off any moment.  
This patient would have rotten to death in just ten minutes, had he not interrupted his enemy's attempt at his final blow.  
After sewing and bandaging the amputee's stump, Sakura let him be brought away to his room. She said: 'Good work.' to her assistant. Hanabi was her name.

'It's like someone put a time lapse camera in front of a rotting limb and we get to see it in Fast Forward.' Hanabi said, referring to the patient in both fascination and horror. Sakura laughed at the comment. She needed to, so she could shake her own feelings of mortification she sometimes got from her profession.  
'Maybe his rival needed some fine compost for his herbs.' They kept joking like that while washing their hands, cleaning their tools and leaving the rest of the room to be cleaned by a specialized disinfection team.

The both of them decided to walk part of their route home together.  
'Say, Hanabi…', Sakura began. 'You're from the Hyuuga-Clan right?' Hanabi's face became wary. 'Yeah, why?'  
'I know it's a bit of a sensitive subject…but why did you quit on being a shinobi? You were the pride of your family, surpassing even your sister in those genetic techniques.' Hanabi fell silent, she was probably being stoned by the whole village with questions like these.  
'Since it's from you Sakura, I'll answer frankly…' Her demeanor became calm. Too calm. 'I was good at using my Byakugan and recognizing Tenketsu points, but it didn't feel right to me using the techniques the way I did.'  
'Even when your parents were proud of you?' The sun's setting made for long shadows in the streets. A subtle chuckle escaped Hanabi's throat.  
'Even though my parents are considered all-seeing, I find them pretty blind.' Sakura stopped, taken aback by the daring statement. 'The day I surpassed my sister in a duel, was the day my parents began to cheer for me. But I couldn't feel proud when I saw her, hurt like that. You can be talented at something, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's for you…I…I'm being vague aren't I?'  
'No. Please explain.', Sakura insisted.  
'I thought…why should I use my skill of recognizing chakra points for annihilation, if I also could use it for…healing? I'm writing a thesis on how my skill actually benefits the medical field. Perhaps other clan members could use it for future reference!' Hanabi was excited. But then, a realization drew over her face, and she softens.  
'Y-you don't think it's cowardly of me, right? To stop my training and turn to healing?'  
Sakura stood perplexed.  
'No. Not at all. In a way, you chose for your sister above your parents.' She grabbed both of Hanabi's hands in admiration. 'I think it's a really badass decision!'  
Hanabi grinned. A blush dusted her cheeks. 'Don't overdo it, senpai.'

Sakura waved Hanabi goodbye and headed for home. She couldn't help but feel full in her head. Her thoughts were a swirl of Tsunade's anger, Naruto and Kakashi carrying Team 7's burden to find Sasuke, Hanabi's inspiring decision to use her ability for medical purposes. Everyone was following their own path.  
' _And now look at you! You found yourself again working for a good cause!_ ', she heard Naruto's voice reassure her in the back of her head. Of course she's working her ass of for a good cause. But still, why couldn't she shake the feeling like her life was just flashing past her?

The bars and restaurants Sakura passed started to become more and more animated.  
'Lady Tsunade, _please_! Those mixes will cause you alcoholic poisoning in an instant!' Sakura stopped at that. She could recognize Shizune's voice everywhere.  
 _Just walk through, Sakura,_ she thought. Though she found her own feet rooted to the spot. Why was her ex-mentor drunk this early in the evening already? That wasn't usual. She let her head turn to the direction of the bar it came from. Both Lady Tsunade and her assistant were outside, sitting at a table splayed with all kinds of shot mixes. They suddenly became a trend as of late, but most people are ignorant at the dangerously high alcohol rates in them. It seemed Tsunade felt experimental today.  
'You're one of Konoha's greatest medics! You're truly embarrassing yourself, Lady Tsunade!'  
'That's exactly why I know what I can risk and what not, geez Shizune! Don't you ever losen up once in a while? You'd be doing the same if you were put in a position to fling people at mine bombs every day!'  
'I know Kakashi hasn't returned since a month yet! I'm sure it's just his being careful! Please refrain yourself Lady!' Just as the flushed Hokage began to bring one of the tiny shot glasses to her lips, she stopped. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Sakura. Sakura tensed up, and decided to get away as soon as possible.

'Don't even think about it. I'm still not done with you.' Tsunade's voice growled at Sakura's attempt to move away. A shiver ran up her spine. A drunk, angry Tsunade was a dangerous Tsunade.  
'Really Lady Tsunade, I'm not sure what you're talking about.', then before she knew it, she felt something alike to stone collide with her jaw, then briefly saw the grandness of the sky and then felt a shock of connecting with the ground again wrecking its way through her body. Suddenly, Sakura was sore in all places.  
The next fist aimed at her, she knew to avoid. Sakura jumped away from the flushed blonde. A mixture of anger and hopelessness marred her face.  
'When the fuck are you going to wake up, Sakura? Stop this doctor bullshit right away and get back to training under me!'  
'I was very clear on my decision Lady Tsunade.', Sakura said, starting to feel heated herself.  
'I hate seeing you fooling yourself. I've never seen anything more pathetic of my student.'  
'Ex-student, my lady. I deem myself useless in combat since I let my personal feelings get in the way of-', just as Sakura began to hang her head, Tsunade's fist flew in her vision and sent Sakura off ground with an uppercut. This time she found her footing again, thinking she almost bit off her tongue per accident. Almost without thinking, Sakura found herself in a fighting stance. Adrenaline pumped through her.

'This is personal alright.', Tsunade growled and she started running for Sakura again.  
'Lady Tsunade, you're not being yourself!', Shizune's pleas fell to deaf ears. Sakura knew to avoid all her mentor's punches up till now. _Do I really have to explain how pathetic I am, Lady Tsunade?,_ Sakura thought sorrowfully. In between punches Tsunade kept ranting.  
'You always were booksmart, Sakura. Knowing all the academy's rules by heart.' She made it sound like an accusation. 'One of the main rules is not to let your feelings get in the way of combat.'  
'So what! It's not as if I don't know that!' Sakura fired back, along with throws of punches of her own. 'Shinobi are soldiers. Soldiers don't feel.', then through an opening, Tsunade's fist ground into Sakura's stomach, sending her towards a nearby wall. A giant crack formed instantly behind Sakura and just as the pinkette was about to get herself going again, she was pinned back by her mentor.

'Well guess what, _feelings don't make you weak_. I don't see my underlings as _fucking soldiers_.' Sakura winced under Tsunade's iron pressure on her palms. 'Mark my words. This is where I am different as a hokage. I feel for my village and I feel _for you_. It is because I let my feelings get the best of me, that I am strong.'  
'Is that why you reek of booze this early in the evening?', Sakura instantly regretted her words. Her hair flew to one side when Tsunade crashed her fist just beside her head, into the wall. Tsunade grit through her teeth:  
'I know what you've accomplished Sakura. I acknowledge you as a fine doctor. In fact, you may have surpassed me in that field.' Then she drew her face closer to Sakura. 'But I know that if I were you, I'd desert this village if it meant getting my team-mate back. It's because I know my people that I assign them to missions that's personal to them.'  
'That's manipulative, ' Sakura grit back, the image of Naruto and Kakashi flashed before her eyes. 'That way shinobi are all the more ready to throw away their lives! You contradict yourself!'

Tsunade chuckled. 'No.' She slid off her arms from Sakura and looked at her as if she was looking into her soul. Her mouth formed a sad smile.  
'It's the other way around. I know you can be strong, and I know you still feel for _that guy_.' Then she turned her back, heading towards Shizune.  
'Let's pay up and go elsewhere Shizune. Just looking at that coward reminds me of my failures.'

As Sakura got home, it dawned on her what an _off day_ it actually was. She warmed a simple lasagna inside the oven and as she took it out, she suddenly realized her hands were still shaking from her last encounter.  
 _Coward.  
_ In a sudden fit of rage, she threw her food outside the window. It was all she could do to refrain herself from disturbing the neighbours. Then sobbing, she sank to the floor. It wasn't Tsunade's voice that made the accusation in her head. She saw specks of her own tears glistening on the floor. That voice was her own.  
'Naruto…Tsunade…I don't deserve your sympathy.'


End file.
